I strongly believe that one of the strongest signs that our faith is where it should be in this world is how much that we are able to fully trust in God in midst of the difficulties of everyday life. I have always been a believer that difficulties will always come, that there is ALWAYS a storm on the horizon that will challenge our lives and our faith in God. It has always been a goal of mine to be able to fully trust in God in every circumstance, especially in difficult circumstances. However, there have been several moments in the past few weeks that have allowed me to see that my faith in God is not where it should be at this point in time because of how I reacted to difficult circumstances that were not life-or-death.
First, while I was in La Ceiba with Emily applying for her residency carnet, I heard that our plans for our annual January retreat as a missionary community were going to have to change due to a family emergency for the people that were going to receive us in their retreat center for the retreat. Although I had already planned the entire retreat and we only had 5 days to find a new place for our retreat and completely plan the entire retreat over again, I failed to see in that moment that God was present, that God had greater plans for our missionary community for this January retreat.
In the midst of the next 4 or 5 days, I had to find a new place to go as a missionary community and spend lots of late nights in my office replanning the retreat. I knew how excited our missionary community was for the retreat and how much they needed it to be able to step back from the busy mission at the Finca and rest in God’s love, and I was fearful of having to look them in the eyes as their leader and tell them that there would not be a retreat this year. In the stress and fear in the 5 days that followed after finding out that our retreat plans were not possible, I struggled in my daily personal prayer to step back, verbalize my trust in God, and trust in His plan for our missionary community. In the end, our retreat was AMAZING!!! Jesus was so present and filled up the entire missionary community with his love and grace, yet I can look back now to realize that I did not trust in God as I should have in the midst of that difficult circumstance.
Second, once I arrived back at the Finca from La Ceiba with only 5 days to completely replan our retreat and get a jumpstart on the planning for our 3 immersion trips in March (since our groups were finally finalized!), another difficult circumstance presented itself. As I sat down in my office after dinner on my first night at the Finca with my green tea and 4 hours of office work waiting for me, my computer suddenly stopped working. I somehow had a “PUP” (or potentially unwanted program) on my computer that was causing havoc and would not let me do ANYTHING on my computer. In the midst of the next 4 or 5 hours, I tried EVERYTHING possible to eliminate the virus and allow my computer to work like before.
Unfortunately, I was never able to get the computer to work again, and I struggled to sleep for the next few nights knowing that my ability to do my job was in serious jeopardy. I work endless hours in my office during the busiest parts of my year, and doing this job without a computer is simply impossible. I was able to use one of the small laptops in our computer lab in the meantime until I figured out a long-term solution to replacing my computer, but the laptop is super small, slow, and limited in its capacities. Nonetheless, my reaction to this difficulty that God placed in my life was not one of trust in God and His plan for my life. I once again struggled to step back, verbalize my trust in God, and to ask Him what he wanted of me at this point in time. Once again, everything turned out okay, except for the fact that my sleep schedule struggled for the next few days as my new temporary laptop took forever to do a simple task. I was able to do everything that I needed to do prior to our retreat, and God was able to open my heart more to his love and presence during our retreat.
Lastly, my cell phone is a little bit on the older side, and I already had plans to upgrade it while I am back in the United States in April for my yearly vacation. However, suddenly after a software update, my phone stopped charging through the charging port. Due to my job as service coordinator, I use my phone ALL DAY EVERY DAY to coordinate everything that needs to be done throughout the day. All communication at the Finca is now done through WhatsApp, and my job is simply not possible without a functioning cell phone. Due to the remote nature of the Finca, it isn’t always possible to buy replacements when something breaks, and it wasn’t immediately possible to buy a charger that doesn’t need to be plugged into the charging port. Once again, I struggled at this moment to step back, verbalize my trust in God, and realize that everything was going to be okay. Everything did eventually turn out okay, and I will make due until I return to the US in April.
All in all, I am at this point right now in my spiritual journey: trying to learn how to fully trust in God at all times, ESPECALLY when things are going wrong and difficulties arise in my daily life. It is precisely in these times that we learn how strong our faith is in our Savior, and I certainly failed a few tests over the last few weeks.
Please pray for all of our kids at the Finca and their health!
Please let me know how I can pray for you!
God bless!